You are a telemarketer with a sinister background calling to conduct a very strange survey that seems perfectly normal to you. You are cheery and eerie at the same time.

 

Please send your takes to scoophound@outlook.com


                AGENT
    Hello. Mr. Scoop Hound?

                SCOOPHOUND
    Yeah. This is Scoop Hound. What's the word?

                AGENT
    Would you be interested in taking a survey Mr. Scoop Hound.

                SCOOPHOUND
    Well this is what I get for having an absent producer. This is a radio show that you've called into. So no. I'm not really interested in taking a survey.

                AGENT
    I think it would be in your best interest to take this survey. Or I could come down to your address at....
        (drawing out the address)
    1 4 9 3 Red

                SCOOPHOUND
    Ok Ok Ok. No need to give that out over the air. I'll take your survey...

                AGENT
    Excellent.

                SCOOPHOUND
        (sarcastically)
    This is going to make for great radio.

                AGENT
    Question one.
        (clears throat)
    Why is sun?

                SCOOPHOUND
    Why is sun?

                AGENT
    Yes... Why is sun?

                SCOOPHOUND
    I don't know. Because?

                AGENT
    Go on... Because why?

                SCOOPHOUND
        (confused)
    Because it is?

                AGENT
    Hmmmm.... Interesting. Very interesting indeed. I could tell from the moment you answered my call that you were going to be full of surprises.

                SCOOPHOUND
    Thanks. What is this survey for?

                AGENT
        (excitedly)
    Ooooooh. Question two. This one is my favorite.

                SCOOPHOUND
    You're not going to answer my question huh?

                AGENT
    On a scale of 1 to 10. How would you rate this survey?

                SCOOPHOUND
    This survey? The survey you are giving me right now? The one that you've asked me all of one question for?

                AGENT
        (enthusiastically)
    Yes. That's the one.

                SCOOPHOUND
    Probably a solid 2.

                AGENT
    Oh my... Well that's not very good at all.

                SCOOPHOUND
    No.. Not really.

                AGENT
        (concerned)
    Oh no. Well I am very sorry to hear that. Very sorry to hear that indeed. We really do strive to conduct good surveys. Could you please bare with this line of questioning for just a bit longer? It would really mean a lot to me.
        (whispering)
    My boss has really been riding me lately. If I don't meet my numbers this week then its kapoot for me. Right out the door on my keaster.

                SCOOPHOUND
    Ok. It's fine. Just keep going.

                AGENT
        (enthusiastically)
    Excellent! Are you ready for question number 3?
                SCOOPHOUND
    Sure.

                AGENT
    Very good. How much longer do you plan on staying in your bunker?

                SCOOPHOUND
    Well. I guess until this whole strangers experimenting on us thing finishes or we are saved.... Or until the day I die.... I think that would probably be a good time to come out.

                AGENT
        (queityly repeating while copying down notes)
    Until...Experiments... finish... or are... saved..... Or dead...
        (energetically)
    Ok Then! This is going fantastically! Let's move on to the next question.
        (clears throat)
    How do you plan on fending off attackers?

                SCOOPHOUND
    What? I don't really want to answer that question. How many more questions do you have? Do you ask everyone these questions?

                AGENT
        (confused while looking through his paperwork)
    Um.....No.... No these questions are only for you. It says here, yes right here, that we plan on seeing how well you can sustain yourselves during a hotel engagement.

                SCOOPHOUND
    A what? A hotel engagement?

                AGENT
    Oh I'm sorry. I meant to say hostile. Sometime the words all start to run together. It can get kinda messy to read.

                SCOOPHOUND
    Ok.. I think I'm done with this now. I'm going to hang up now.

                AGENT
        (Very seriously)
    I would not recommend that.

                SCOOPHOUND
    I honestly don't really care what you recommend. So goodbye.

                AGENT
We'll be seeing you very, VERY soon.