Rebecca is a sweet and caring woman who loves her community deeply. She would do anything to help out the local high school football team. She has all the charm and accent of a southern belle. Rebecca is calling into a local radio show to promote a BBQ for the local team. Things turn south in the 2nd set of lines when she's hunting down a man to cook and feed to the high school boys.

 

Please send your takes to scoophound@outlook.com


REBECCA
(Super Cheerful)
Well hi there, Hun. I just wanted to call in and say hi. I'm lovin what ya'll got goin on here.


SCOOPHOUND
(taken aback)
Oh. Uh, well thanks. That's really nice to hear. I wasn't really expecting much of a warm welcome.


REBECCA
Well shoot, Sugar. I just wanted to invite you and the rest of Basin down to the Basin High school for the big barbecue. Help support our local football team for tonight's big game.
(excitedly)
Wooooo, go bumblebees!


SCOOPHOUND
A barbecue? That sounds pretty good actually.WILLCan we go?

REBECCA
Oh, Darlin. You're all welcome. We're only asking for a small donation so bring down a friend or a neighbor. We gotta get these high school boys fed so they win the big game. You wouldn't believe how much these boys can eat. So make sure you bring a big juicy donation.

WILL
Oh can we please go? Please?

SCOOPHOUND
I do love a good barbecue. So yeah. Maybe we will!


REBECCA
Well get on over here while the grills are still hot. And remember GOOOOOOO Bumblebees!

SCOOPHOUND
Yeah. Go Bumblebees! Thanks for calling in!

REBECCA
You got it, hun. Ya'll take care now. Bye bye.

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REBECCA
Shug? I know you're in here. Why don't you come on out and enjoy this barbecue with everyone. I'm sure your daughter would absolutely LOVE for you to join her.

SOUND: running footsteps

REBECCA
It's ok boys. I know your hungry. Let's just let him come on out on his own. We don't want to rough him up. We might bruise that delicious meat. We wouldn't want that at all now would we, Hun? Awwwww, there you are. Now you ain't got nothing to be afraid of. We just wanna make sure these boys here win the big game tonight. They can't do that without the support of their community now can they.

JAKE
Please! Please don't do this. Just let me go.

REBECCA
Now shug, you know we can't do that.

JAKE
Get away from me! Get away!

REBECCA
(annoyed)
Now I am losing my patience. I'm gonna give you to the count of three to come with us before things get ugly.

JAKE
No no no no.

REBECCA
One.

JAKE
Please! I'm begging you!

REBECCA
Two.

JAKE
Why are you doing this? Just let me go!
(a short pause)

REBECCA
Three.
SOUND: Scuffling

JAKE
(screaming)
No no no no!
(muffled screaming)

REBECCA
Oh shug, you and I both know it didn't have to be like this. I don't want to have to MAKE you participate within your community. This is something that you should be grateful to help out with. Now why don't you go on outside with these nice boys. get to know each other a little bit better.

SOUND: scuffling

REBECCA
(calling out to Jake as he leaves)
I think I better finish up this phone call you started. Wouldn't want to be rude now would I.

SOUND: phone being picked up off of the ground

REBECCA
Now who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?... Hello? Come on now. No need to be shy.

SCOOPHOUND
(sheepishly)
Scoophound

REBECCA
Oh now come on dear. Don't be nervous. Say it with pride. Belt it out.

SCOOPHOUND
(clearing throat)
It's Scoophound.

REBECCA
Oh well hi! How ya'll doing? You boys did a great job of getting the neighborhood out here. Ya'll still gonna make it down to the high school right? Show a little bit of that community pride! Wooooo! Go Bumblebees!

SCOOPHOUND
Are you cooking and eating people?

REBECCA
Well now what did ya'll think was going on down here. I told you we want our boys to win tonight. What better way do you know of than a good ol fashioned community barbecue.

SCOOPHOUND
It sounds like your torturing people. You're forcing them to watch you eat their families and friends?

REBECCA
Well suffering builds character and these young men need all the character they can muster for tonight. If you know a faster way of building character than eating it then you let me know, but until then we're gonna enjoy ourselves and show those wombats that the Basin Bumblebees are NOT to be trifled with. So if you two gentlemen are gonna be coming down make sure you bring your community pride and a side of potato salad or some nice coleslaw. Ya'll have a nice rest of your evening. I've got a big bowl of barbecue sauce that ain't gonna make itself.